And so into the closing week of 2017.
Since my next couple of weeks will be bananas, I thought: why not use these last few days to get those posts off of the back burner, dust off the cobwebs, and make some room for 2018? I’m already doing the same at home, may as well apply it here!
Next up: emptying the ol’ noggin.
(Evidently didn’t empty it right last night, as I hit publish on a date in the past, whoops!)
Yesterday I spoke about rejection when it comes to jobs and creative submissions, and choosing to aim for as many of them as possible – the more I collect, the more likely the odds of success, too! The main reason I changed my perspective (besides the highly persuasive argument set out in Kim Liao’s article) was largely down to how my outlook had been for at least the two years prior. I graduated from my masters with severe exhaustion, moving back to a home with a drama in the works, and, thanks to said drama, an overwhelming feeling of “…now what?”.
I had a timeline of targets and dates, a plan of action to get my theatre career underway. Then – well, then all of this happened – basically making for an impossible work and living environment. I was essentially in denial about how ill I actually was, and that had a huge impact on I how viewed my future.
That was a dark place to be. Every interview or submission rejection, every update on former colleagues and the theatrical dreams they were living hitting me like it was personal. Instead of my usual “always next time” attitude, it became more self-destructive, questioning any abilities or experience I had, before descending into “oh my god, what happens if I never leave the house again, what if this is it for me”. That perspective had to change, no one needs that kind of attitude in their life!
When things aren’t moving in the direction I want, I get so caught up in my thoughts, I barely function outside of making tea and rustling in the fridge. But, since self-implementing a stricter method of responding to opportunities, openings and even my own (often lengthy) to-do lists, it’s happening less now. I’m finding better ways of searching (and securing!) work in my chosen field for the year (2017 was paid festival work, and at least one show – aiming for a part-time/fixed contract in 2018).
And, maybe, it’s that boost of small successes in a sea of my beloved rejections that’s finally allowing my brain the freedom to, once again, look ahead with hope instead of nope. It feels good. It feels freeing.